It's not nice to admit this but I don't have empathy for people that don't value themselves. Life has taught me that you must value yourself before you can expect anyone else to value you.
A few of my bad relationships have been a careful study in "what not to do". What not to do: beg/whine/weedle for respect, reinvent yourself in someone else's image, put your needs at the bottom of the list, soothe with food/drugs/alcohol, remain steadfastly unchanged, avoid truth, and give others the responsibility for making you ________ (fill in the blank; including but not limited to whole/happy/successful/fulfilled).
Self value determines how you walk in the world. You can smell when someone values themselves (and doesn't). It's not lip service. Traveling though life as a victim encourages people to kick us, figuratively and literally.
It's our responsibility to shift this -- by creating situations in which we succeed, are validated and feel our strength. This may mean seeking professional therapy, reading, exercising, daring to speak when we are "normally" silent, avoiding or reducing our exposure to toxic lovers and friends AND accepting that fear is normal and pushing through it.
How we are valued starts with knowing our value...the universe is conspiring to shower us with blessings. See what Rob Brezsney has to say: http://www.freewillastrology.com/beauty/pronoia
And also Maryanne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
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1 comment:
I LOVE IT..that Marianne Williamson quote is the best. Yet, when one is in the midst of an "i am not valuing myself moment" it is not very easy to see and move out of it...especially when some of the motivators of such behaviors are not necessarily on the conscious level. Lord knows when Mr. Smirnov (vodka brand) was helping me come out, I did not see how destructive his friendship was...
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